


The Dangers(?) of Acceptance

by Rainstorm67



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Character!Thomas is too easily persuaded by his Sides, Dehydration, Depression, Depressive Thoughts, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, He's just a jerk but he gets better at the end, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly healing but there's pretty heavy stuff in the beginning, Mouth Sewn Shut, One-Sided Attraction, Open Ending, Remus maybe has a handful of lines?, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, and learning to be better, dad!patton, hints to the Orange Side, kind of unsympathetic!Roman, let me know if I need to tag more things!, mentions of dying, someone not taking proper care of themselves, they're all flawed characters okay, they're all healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24637375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainstorm67/pseuds/Rainstorm67
Summary: After the latest video, Janus has some regrets. And some things he's been hiding for a while. After a week-long break from the others, something rather unpredictable happens. Things just go downhill from there.But maybe there's a light at the end of this long, dark, painful tunnel?
Relationships: Familial DRLAMP, Familial DRTLAMP, one-sided roceit
Comments: 39
Kudos: 167





	The Dangers(?) of Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is NOT my first fanfic for Sanders Sides, but it is the first one I've actually finished! Please read the tags and be careful! I know some people are squeamish about blood, even fictional blood, and this has both a mouth being sewn shut and Hanahaki disease. There's also a few lines where a character genuinely debates the idea of suicide, so please be careful! Other than that, it's just angst and comfort, and familial healing. Let me know what you think!

Janus let his facade fall as he appeared back in his room, allowing the pain and regret to shine through. No one had mentioned the nasty remark he'd shot at Roman, but it festered in his mind more than Roman's reaction to his name. He hadn't meant the words, he really didn't, but-

No, no buts. Not this time. Janus was sick of trying to make excuses for himself, trying to talk his way out of repercussions. Sure, his heart had shattered at the reminder that Roman hated him, but that was no fucking excuse to tear at the Prince’s insecurities like a feral animal. Roman didn’t deserve that, and now the Prince was probably having some kind of mental or emotional breakdown. Because of Janus. 

The deceitful side coughed a few times as his chest ached, automatically summoning a bag to spit the blood and red rose petals into. Sometimes, it sucked to be a figment of someone’s imagination, where things like Hanahaki could exist without problem. Though, Janus supposed as he waved the bloody bag of petals away, Logan would never be affected by it. Not that Logan wouldn’t ever have unrequited love, no, Janus had seen the way the logical facet moved and spoke when Janus had let Remus out. There was something more there, he was sure of it, and yet Logic wasn’t coughing up flowers for Remus. No, that was just a Janus thing, apparently. 

The deceitful side groaned and hung up his hat and cape, carefully pulling off and folding his gloves as well. He neatly laid them on his desk before slumping in his chair, the movement causing him to slowly spin. Why did he have to fall for _Roman_ of all the sides? The one who’d labelled him, Remus, and Virgil as “Dark Sides”? The one who arguably hated Janus more than Virgil did? Not even Patton minded Janus too much anymore, if that last video meant anything at all in the long run. 

Janus heaved a heavy sigh, immediately regretting it as his lungs ached and he started coughing once more. It was getting worse, he knew it. But like hell he was going to try and confess, not now. Maybe he would have had a chance if the courtroom disaster hadn’t been as MUCH of a disaster, but… No. Janus had gone and thoroughly ruined any chances he could have ever had, and that was _fine_. Virgil wasn’t exactly subtle with his feelings either, the anxious side could make Roman happy, it was fine. All that really mattered was Roman’s happiness, surely? If Creativity was well and happy, then everything was good. Who cared about if Deceit was hurting? He didn’t matter.

Janus was barely a blip on the radar. Thomas had said so himself, their host just had the _capacity_ for Deceit. It didn’t mean he was bad, it didn’t mean he was going to lie all the time. ~~Even though Janus represented more than lying~~ ~~.~~ Janus wasn’t really needed, and he knew that. Didn’t stop the sharp pains in his chest, for once not from the flowers growing in his lungs. 

The deceitful side let out a sharp groan and let his head _thunk_ against the surface of his desk, spitting a few petals into his hand. They were slick with spit and blood, but Janus still rubbed them between his fingers, admiring their beauty. Such a vivid red, such soft petals… the classic red rose, and all the symbolism behind it. It was almost funny.

Closing his eyes, Janus summoned his trash can to his hand and dropped the petals in, waving it away when he was done. He was exhausted from having to keep his affliction hidden from the others, from Thomas. He’d just take a quick nap, then take note of the symptoms and check online how long he had left. Could Side’s even die? Perhaps he could ask Logan, he’d know, surely? Or at least, Logan would know where to look for the information. 

With that plan in mind, Janus relaxed against the hard surface of his desk, and fell asleep.

\-------------

His plan crumbled before he could really act on it, which was a shame, all things considered.

Janus had put off approaching the logical side for a whole week, not wanting to appear anywhere in the “Light” side’s area so soon after the video. Virgil had to have heard what happened by now, if he hadn’t been actively watching and listening, and it was surprising the anxious side hadn’t kicked his way in here to yell at him about it all. Plus, Janus had hurt Logan a little when Patton had “skipped” him and Janus had pulled him away with his hook. He figured Logan was still upset over that, and that some time to cool down was good for everyone.

His hanahaki had gotten worse the longer he went without even glancing at Roman, but that didn’t matter to him, not until he knew if a side could die or not. For now he was operating under the assumption that he couldn’t die, and the pain… well, he would get used to it. Eventually.

His self-imposed break from Thomas and the others was going perfectly okay, Janus had even extended his break when he sensed the turmoil in Thomas’ mind, not wanting to step in unwanted again now that Thomas had sort of… accepted him.

And then it all went rather horribly wrong.

Janus hadn’t been paying super close attention to Thomas, just enough to see if he needed to do any work, if there were any little white lies that needed told or if Thomas’ mental health was declining again. He stayed out of conversations between Thomas and his other sides, and any conversation between any of the others as well. Maybe if he had paid closer attention, he would have been more prepared.

As it stood, Janus was caught completely off guard when he woke up in the middle of the night, too startled to scream, as his mouth _burned_. 

He blinked sleep out of his wide eyes, shaky hands coming up to his mouth, and let out a muffled scream at what he felt. No, _no_ , this wasn’t happening- Janus scrambled out of bed on shaky legs, his breath heaving through his nose, his chest aching from fear at the flowers taking root in his lungs, _oh god the flowers-_

Janus ran to his mirror, skidded to a stop, and let out another muffled scream. Muffled, because his mouth… oh, gods above, it hurt… 

His mouth was sewn shut. 

Guess Thomas _really_ didn’t want to lie.

His mouth was a bloody, slightly mangled mess. Maybe he’d been tossing and turning while whoever, or whatever, sewed up his mouth. Janus felt sick, but he couldn’t throw up. He’d just have to swallow it again, which was gross. 

The deceitful side let out a broken whimper as he stared at his mouth, shaking fingers ghosting against the thread. Yellow, his color. How… symbolic? Sniffling, Janus summoned a pair of scissors, feelings petals itching at his throat. He needed to get his mouth open somehow, or he’d choke on those fucking flowers.

Slowly, Janus slid one of the blades under the thread, between his lips. The metal was cool and a little soothing against his inflamed, wounded lips. Careful not to cut flesh, Janus started snipping.

He was halfway across when a needle and thread appeared in front of him. Janus jerked back with a cry, accidentally tugging on his stitches as his hand jerked too. He slid the scissors free and swung them at the approaching needle, tears streaming down his face, his speech muffled and blurred from only half his mouth free.

“No! ‘Et back! Leave me alone!” Janus cried, swinging at the persistent needle again. “I won’t lie again! I promith!” 

The needle, being a needle, didn’t care about his words. Something invisible held him still, and Janus _screamed_ as the needle stabbed into his throbbing lips, resewing up his mouth. He wriggled and cried and kicked, only causing the needle to tug and jerk and more pain to spike from his poor mouth-

Then it was done and the invisible force and the needle disappeared. Janus collapsed to the floor, sobbing into his carpet as flowers forced themselves up his throat, choking him, trying to spill free but only landing in his mouth. Nowhere to go. They stuck to his tongue and cheeks, the taste of his own blood causing his stomach to turn. 

Janus didn’t get up for a while, and when he did, he just drug himself to the bathroom to try and clean up the blood and tears, try and treat the stitches.

He didn’t try and cut them again.

He didn’t even think about leaving his room.

\-------------

Janus stayed in bed for three weeks. Three weeks, he laid there, alternating between sobbing brokenly into his pillow, trying not to irritate the flowers in his lungs, ignoring the itching in his throat, and starring listlessly at his ceiling.

There was one bright side to this, he mused to himself on one of his listless days. He didn’t need to ask Logan anymore if Sides could die through natural means. Janus hadn’t been able to drink anything, let alone eat, since the stitches. If he was a normal human, he’d be dead by now. As it stood, his head pounded from the lack of calories and hydration, and he felt both light as air and heavy as lead. He felt cold, clammy, shaky. Sick. He was definitely sick. Hell, Janus wasn’t even sure he could stand, let alone sit up. He hadn’t bothered to try.

He was about to find out if he could stand real quick though, as that unfamiliar tugging hit his chest. He was being summoned. Why? He wasn’t needed. He didn’t matter. Surely if he mattered, he wouldn’t have his mouth sewn shut.

Pulling from his incredibly low store of energy, Janus hid his afflictions from prying eyes. His sunken, pale cheeks. His dead, bloodshot eyes, and the bags under them. The stitches. He just wouldn’t speak, and the illusion would stay. He just had to stay standing and maybe nod a couple times. He was probably being summoned to be yelled at anyways.

So, without further ado, Janus answered Thomas’ summons.

He appeared against the stairs, near enough that he could immediately lean on them for support and it’d just look like he was trying not to crowd Logan. Speaking of, Logan was _right there_ , actually present this time. His throat didn’t look bruised, the damage Janus did must have healed, because he didn’t smell of make up either. A quick glance around showed Virgil, as far from Janus as could be while still being on the stairs, glaring at him - Patton was in front of the blinds, tugging nervously at his cat hoodie. Strange - Roman was in front of the tv with Remus, also strange, and already had his sword out and pointed at him. Janus felt a pang in his chest, both at the sight of the Prince after so long, and at the fact that he hated Janus more than his brother - and there was Thomas, looking ansty. And… guilty?

“Hey, De- uhm… J-Janus.” Thomas started, causing the others to at least spare Janus a glance, before looking back to Thomas. “Uh… h-how’s it been?”

Oh, shit. Why now? Janus let out a quiet sigh through his nose and shrugged a shoulder, waving his - thankfully gloved - hand in the universal “so-so” motion. Thomas looked confused at the lack of a verbal answer, but didn’t question him. Good.

“Great, great… uhm… listen. We, I mean. Me and the others have been talking. I know now that lying isn’t always a bad thing, and that in some cases it’s necessary for survival, but… I still want to be an _honest_ person. I don’t want to lie anymore, to others or to myself. It just… doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t mean you’re not still accepted!” Thomas hurried to add, he must have seen a hint of hurt on Janus’ face, “Just, uhm… I didn’t want you to… get your hopes up? Oh that sounds bad.” Thomas muttered, looking to the other sides for help.

“What he means is, you aren’t needed, you never _will_ be needed, but he’s too nice to just let you come to that conclusion yourself.” Roman scoffed, still holding his sword to Janus. And, fuck, that hurt.

“Wh- no! Roman, that isn’t-” Thomas tried to deny, but Janus had heard enough. Even with his mouth sewn shut, he could still sense the lies. That was _exactly_ what Thomas meant.

He should have enjoyed the acceptance while he had it, should have basked more in the light of Thomas listening to him, thinking him important. Now it was gone. Again.

Janus didn’t look at anyone as he snapped his fingers, summoning a pad of paper and a pencil, starting to write. He didn’t glance up, didn’t acknowledge the not so subtle whisper from Patton of “What is he doing?”. He just wrote what he wanted to say, handed the pad of paper to Thomas, and sunk back to his room without a word.

“I understand. If this is what you want, then I’ll stay out of any and all future decisions and discussions. I still don’t think you’re ready for me to fully quit my job, so I will still hide from you the things you aren’t ready to bear witness to. If you’d like me to stop that too, simply notify me, and I will. Unless you, Thomas, call me up again, this is goodbye. Please tell Roman, Remus, Virgil, Logan, and Patton that I’m sorry. They might believe it if you say it.

~Janus”

\-------------

Janus collapsed onto his bed, letting the illusion fall away. Tears spilled from his tired eyes, a burning coil around his chest, around his heart. He’d had everything he’d ever wanted for just a few minutes, and now it was gone. Forever. It was a miracle Thomas had ever accepted him, he’d never do it a second time. Janus was shoved back into the shadows, to be ignored and forgotten about. How hadn’t he noticed before? His room had been warm and lighter for a few blessed days, but it’d been getting colder and darker again. He was back in the subconscious. Judging by the light and temperature, he wasn’t far from the unconscious. About as far away from Thomas as he could be. 

Janus didn’t even have the energy to sob, his legs ached from standing so long, his body heavy with the weight of exhaustion. Putting up a facade took so much out of him on a good day, and this was decidedly _not_ a good day. 

So it wasn’t surprising when the blackness rushed up and engulfed him in it’s mildly comforting arms.

\-------------

Janus’s life, or existence, whatever, went back to his new normal. The days and nights blended together, time a social construct, as Janus didn’t check in on Thomas once. He kept himself fully confined to his room, not even checking on the other sides. He ignored every lie they told the others, or themselves. He tuned it out, his half-lidded, dull eyes staring blankly at a single spot on his ceiling. He hadn’t bothered changing out of his clothes, he couldn’t bring himself to care, even if his hat was digging painfully into his skull. What did it matter?

The only thing he did was periodically mentally check that the orange side was still locked up tight. Couldn’t let _him_ out, not until Janus got hard evidence that Thomas was mentally prepared to face this last main side of his personality. 

Heh… no wonder Jan- _Deceit_ wasn’t needed. Sure, everyone had the capacity to lie, but who (besides maybe con artists or compulsive liars) had _Deceit_ as a big part of their personality? It didn’t make sense. Thomas wasn’t a liar, he wasn’t known as one, so what was Deceit _really_ doing here? Why did he have a form, a voice? Sheer stubbornness? Possibly. 

Deceit let his eyes slip shut again, too tired to try and keep them open just to stare at black nothing. More petals and blood had found their way into his mouth after he’d fallen asleep after the last summons, and his chest _hurt_. But he still hadn’t thought up a way to get them out, so they just… sat there. Rotting in his mouth. Deceit half forgot what it was like to taste anything except his own blood. 

It’d been… a while, maybe, since the summons. Again, time wasn’t real, but Deceit knew that Thomas should have sent some kind of note to let Deceit know he truly wasn’t needed anymore by now. Deceit tried not to feel hopeful that maybe, just maybe, his host would change his mind… that Thomas would decide Deceit really was needed, that he deserved to be up front with the others, in the light and warmth… 

As if in answer to his thoughts, there was a single, sharp knock on his door. Judging from the knock alone, probably Logan. Deceit didn’t move for a moment, gathering what little energy he still had, and forced himself to his unsteady feet. If Logan, or whoever, noticed that Deceit was stumbling and shuffling towards his door, they didn’t mention it. 

Deceit slumped against his door, his legs giving out as he slowly slid to the floor. He blinked blearily a few times, having forgotten that he can’t exactly speak right now… shrugging, Deceit let out a raspy, broken noise to show he was there and listening.

“Deceit?” Logan’s voice floated under the door, and Deceit let out another noise, trying to make it sound confirmative. “I have been sent to inform you that the others and I have figured out a way to… “hide” Thomas’ last side from him until we deem him ready to face him.”

Deceit slowly blinked, an apathetic smile pulling at his stitches. 

“You asked Thomas to inform you if this happened, so, consider yourself informed. Good day,” Logan spoke crisply, coldly. Emotionless, but not. There was some emotion hidden under the words, but Deceit couldn’t be arsed to try and decipher it.

Not when his fate had just been sealed. 

Not when his host had taken apart everything he did, delegated the important part to others, and deemed him useless.

Not when Deceit had essentially been stripped for usable parts like a broken electronic and thrown away.

Deceit didn’t bother trying to get off the floor as he let the tears wash over him, his heart shattered. He didn’t even blink as flowers shoved their way up his throat, cutting off his breathing. He couldn’t die by mortal means, at least he was pretty sure he couldn’t. Maybe now that he was useless, he could die? 

God, dying sounded so… _nice_. No more pain, no more anything. Just a void. Nothingness. 

Sounded like a dream.

Deceit slowly slumped further over, becoming a broken pile on the floor by his door, and let the black spots from suffocation take over his vision without a single struggle. What was the point, afterall?

His one love would shish kabob him for a single, stale cornchip. His host had thrown him away like mouldy leftovers. He had nothing.

He… he _was_ nothing.

\------------------------------------------

Thomas had been acting… odd, lately. 

Sure, he was an odd guy, but this was… new. Virgil was suddenly working overtime, sending Thomas jolts of anxiety every time he started to actually _act_ on Remus’ stupid impulsive suggestions. Which, of course, caused lots of infighting and Remus to finally shout that he didn’t _mean_ for Thomas to act on them, just _think_ them, and he’d been _trying_ to be good, be better-

Which started a new round of questions. If Remus really was trying to reign himself in, why was Thomas being so… careless? Virgil was still around, sending more and more anxiety at Thomas to try and keep him from getting hurt. The last time he’d been this weird was when Virgil had ducked out, but he was _right there_ \- Why was this happening? Everyone was accounted for-

“Janus isn’t here.” Patton spoke up, crossing his arms defiantly. “Janus hasn’t been here for two months.”  
  


“Stop saying that _snake’s_ name. He’s _Deceit_ , he doesn’t _deserve_ a name.” Roman spat, glaring at the farthly figment. “And it’s a _good_ thing he isn’t here! He just makes a mess of things!”

“Actually, Roman, looking back at everything, this is the worst Thomas has been in his whole life. Even when Virgil formed, he wasn’t this…” Logan quieted at the vicious glare Roman sent him, adjusting his glasses. “I can see you’re angry, but you remember what Thomas said. Janus wrote an apology to us all, even you-”

“He’s _Deceit_ !” Roman shouted, hands waving wildly, “He’s a _liar_! Virgil, back me up here-”

Virgil jumped a bit, twitchy from the overflow of anxiety and lack of sleep. He shrugged uncomfortably as Roman turned to him for support. “I dunno… Logan has a point- It’s… it’s like Thomas just doesn’t care about his personal safety anymore.”

“Which, considering that Janus wasn’t _just_ Deceit, but also self-preservation and self-care, one can logically assume that him not being active is the cause of this behavior from Thomas.” Logan finished, eyeing Roman with a frown. “Despite your differences, this last week has proven that Janus is, indeed, important to Thomas. He needs to be brought back.”

Roman sent Logan a look of angry betrayal. “He doesn’t _need_ to do anything but stay the heck away from us and Thomas!”

“Roman!” Logan snapped, his patience wearing thin. “You need to put aside your foolish feelin-”

“Foolish!? FOOLISH!?” Roman screeched, his face red in anger, hurt flashing in his eyes, “He’s a liar! A manipulative bastard! He’s a selfish, no good, piece of trash, who doesn’t deserve to have ever been formed into a side!”

“ENOUGH!” Patton cried, finally breaking in. He was shaking, his face soaked with tears. “Roman, I _know_ you’re upset, and I _know_ he hurt you, and said some mean things, but-” Patton covered his mouth to try and hide a sob. He wasn’t successful. “He deserves to be here. He deserves to exist just like us. He was formed for a reason, a-and… and he _doesn’t_ deserve all this hate from you! So he said one really mean thing, so _what_ Roman!? Do you have any idea how many mean things _you’ve_ said!? To him, to Virgil, to your own brother, to Logan? To me? You’re not better than him, **dammit** , and I am sick of it! I am so sick of the fighting and the arguments and the whole stupid Light and Dark **_bullshit!!!_ **”

Patton heaved for breath, the only sound in the now silent living room. He was staring at his clenched, shaking fists, tears still streaming down his face.

“I…” Patton sniffed and wiped his face with his wrist. “I’m going to check on him. Logan said that when he went to tell Janus about our findings a couple days ago, all he did was make muffled noises. I don’t need to be a genius to know that there’s something wrong.” 

And without another word, Patton sunk out. Leave a silent, shocked commons in his wake.

\-------------

“Kiddo? Janus?” Patton called out, knocking on the yellow door yet again. He shivered at the chill in the air, pulling his cat hoodie tighter around his shoulders. It was dark and creepy back here, and he’d been knocking for a good half hour now. He wasn’t leaving until he’d seen Janus for himself. “Are you awake, kiddo? I respect your privacy, but if you don’t answer soon, I’ll have to come in there. I just want to see if you’re okay or not.”

No answer. Not even the sound of shifting fabric.

“Alright, I’m coming in. Hope you’re decent.” Patton called, slowly turning the handle. It wasn’t locked.

He went to swing the door open, but something must be in front of the door, because it wouldn’t budge. Frowning, Patton figured it was a chair or something, and pushed harder. Slowly, the door was shoved open enough for Patton to slip in. Once he did, he regretted not trying to sink into the room, first.

Janus was on the floor in front of the door, in a heap of pale skin, greasy hair, and wrinkled black fabric. He looked like he was asleep, or… a _permanent_ sleep. 

Patton was on his knees by the other in seconds, his eyes wide and his hands shaking as he first checked for a pulse (weak and hardly there, but _there_ ), and then set about moving Janus from the ground. Patton almost sobbed at how… easy it was to move him, how light he was. When was the last time he’d eaten? He felt like skin and bones under his usual outfit. 

Patton blinked away tears as he carried Janus to his bed, which was in a similar state to his clothes. Wrinkled, messy, musty. After lying the half-snake on his bed, Patton snapped his fingers, the bedding and Janus’ clothes being replaced with fresher, clean versions. It was a start, at least. With another snap, Patton lit the room up, and immediately wished he hadn’t.

In the shadows, Patton hadn’t noticed the stitches. 

The only thing Patton could clearly think was “that’s why he didn’t speak”, before he summoned a trash can and threw up his lunch. 

\-------------

There was a knock on the door, and Patton hastily waved away the trash can and pulled Janus’ blankets up to cover the poor man’s mouth, eyeing the door warily. Who had followed him? Would it be safe to let them in? Janus wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this, not when he’d worked so hard to hide his suffering. God, how long had his mouth been sewn shut? At least since Thomas called him up, seeing as how he didn’t twitch his mouth at all then. Patton felt sick again. That was a month ago. Janus has been like this for a month. Alone, in pain, probably scared-

The knock came again. And a shaky, quiet voice, “Patton? You in there?”

Virgil.

Patton hurried over and opened the door just enough to stick his head out, hoping he didn’t look too bad. He didn’t want to worry his shadow son, after all. “Virge! Great to see ya. Me and Janus were just, uh, talking! Yeah, just talking! Nothing to see here! Okay bye!”

Patton went to close the door, but Virgil held it open and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Okay, I know I’m not D-... Janus… but even I know that was a lie. What’s wrong? He… he okay?”

Patton watched as Virgil shifted on his feet, picking at his hoodie sleeves. He looked worried and… and guilty. Patton decided in that instance that he could trust Virgil with what he knew, and opened the door further with a quiet, “No, no he’s not.”

Virgil gave Patton a scared look, and peeked over his shoulder. His face lost all color at the sight of Janus on the bed, enough of Janus’ face was visible for Virgil to see how underweight and unhealthy the side looked.

“Oh- oh my god- what _happened_ ?” Virgil whispered, slowly following Patton into the room. “He… he looks _awful_. Has he even eaten since Thomas summoned him?”

“I think it’s been longer than that,” Patton whispered, carefully bushing some greasy strands out of Janus’ closed eyes. “I… It’s worse, but… Virgil, I puked when I saw, I don’t want to- I don't want you to freak out too much and have an anxiety attack.”

“Worse?” Virgil croaked, eyeing what he could see with horror. “How could it get worse?”

“His mouth is sewn shut.” Patton managed to force out, tears slipping down his cheeks. “They have been for a while, judging from the… the wounds, I suppose.”

Virgil was silent for a long time, before he croaked out a “what?”

So, with a slightly guilty sigh, Patton pulled the hem of Janus’ blankets down enough to reveal his poor, mutilated mouth. He didn’t even look at Virgil before he was summoning a trash can and handing it over. The retching noises made him flinch.

“What- what the FUCK!?” Virgil cried after his stomach was empty. “How- what- did he do it to _himself_ ?”  
  
“I don’t think so” Patton mumbled, still carding his fingers gently through the greasy locks, “He didn’t speak or move his mouth at all when Thomas summoned him, remember? But the stitches weren’t there… or were hidden. And from the look of the room, he’s been… he’s been bad for a really long time, even before Thomas summoned him. He’s been suffering alone for over a month and… and we didn’t notice.” Patton sniffled, his watery eyes taking in the thick coating of dust on everything but the bed and a trail to the door. Probably when Logan knocked. “How could we have not noticed that one of us was hurting like this?”

“He… he’s Deceit. He’s great at hiding things from Thomas, from us. Not even me and Remus know what the last side is.” Virgil huffed, his shaking hands tucked into his armpits. “I… god, I know I said a lot about how bad he is, and how Thomas shouldn’t trust him, but… fuck, I never wanted this for him. He looks dead ten times over.”

Patton just nodded, still gently untangling the messy hair while Janus, hopefully, slept. His eye bags were darker than Virgil’s eyeshadow. 

“I… what do we do? If we don’t know who, or what, st… did that to his mouth, then how do we know it’s safe to c… cut the stitches?”

Patton frowned. He hadn’t thought of that. 

“I… I dunno. But, we can’t just leave him here to waste away, either. He needs water and food, but he can’t get those with those- those **_fucking_ ** stitches-”

“Geez Patt, three curses in one day?” Virgil tried to joke, but it fell flat, and he just shuffled a bit. “Y’know, when people are in a coma and can’t eat, they get some IV thing at the hospital. Maybe we could set something like that up?”

Patton blinked over at Virgil, who shuffled nervously and was about to open his mouth and probably take back the idea, when Patton grinned brightly. “That’s a brilliant idea, Virge. Can you go get Logan for me? He’s bound to know more than us about that kind of thing. Or he can at least talk Thomas into researching it for some reason or another.”

Virgil blinked, his cheeks pink. “Oh- uh… s-sure. I’ll… get right on that.” 

Patton sent Virgil a warm, if sad smile as the other sunk out. With a sigh, Patton turned back to the unconscious side. Pulling his hand free, Patton thought for a second, before getting up and searching for a bathroom. Sure, his clothes and bed were clean now, but Janus probably hadn’t bathed in a _while_ , and maybe being clean would help? Somehow? 

\-------------

Patton was rinsing suds from Janus’ hair, who still hadn’t woken up, when there was a single, crisp knock on the door. Logan.

“Come in!” Patton called, making sure Janus’ hair was totally clean before shutting the water off. He snapped a towel into his hands, carefully rubbing Janus’ hair dry, before moving to his face and torso. He wasn’t shy about the other being nude in front of him, he was too sad at how easily his bones showed through his skin to be embarrassed about something as trivial as nudity. At least now he knew what he'd look like if he was starving, and partially scaly. 

Patton heard the door open and close. Measured, even steps accompanied by hesitant, shuffling ones. Yep, Logan and Virgil.

“In the bathroom, just drying off!” Patton called again, moving onto Janus’ arms. “Be out soon!”

“Patton, please tell me you didn’t take a shower-” Logan started, causing Patton to gasp in offense.

“Logan! Of course I didn’t! I gave Janus a shower, he was _filthy_. Aren’t you supposed to have good hygiene for good health, or something like that?”

“Oh… yes, that makes more sense. I apologize, Patton. And you’re right, good hygiene is a good part of good mental and physical health.”

“Wait you gave him a bath-” Virgil piped up, sounding incredulous. “Patton-”

“What? He’s still not awake, and even if he was, I doubt he could even lift his hand, let alone clean himself. I’m a father, Virgil, and we all have the same body anyways. I saw a kiddo in need and I did what I could to help.” Patton huffed, drying Janus’ too thin legs before swaddling him in the towel to preserve his modesty and scooping the too-light body into his arms. “Can one of you get the door?”

Logan swung the door open, his eyes widening as he saw Janus for the first time. He didn’t puke, though his face turned incredibly pale as he took in the state Janus was in.

“Yeah, I know.” Patton murmured, carefully carrying the unconscious side to his bed and dressing him in a pair of fluffy pj pants he’d found and a baggy t-shirt. Then, in typical dad fashion, he tucked Janus in while keeping him half sitting up. “So, Lo, any news on the whole IV idea? Can we or can’t we? Cuz I’ll be honest here, I can’t think of another idea that doesn’t potentially put Janus in more danger and pain.”

Logan took a second to snap out of it before he responded, “Yes, Thomas once went on a medical binge and looked up an incredible amount of things, to try and verify if a tv show he was watching was accurate or not. I can summon the right equipment and essentially treat him as a coma patient until he’s well enough to tell us what is and is not safe regarding the sutures.”

Patton let himself slump a bit in relief, tears welling up again as he shot Logan a shaky smile. “Thank you.”

Logan nodded, looking uncomfortable, before he walked to the other side of the bed and got to work.

Virgil shifted a bit, then sighed and summoned a few things himself. A… a vacuum, and a duster. At Patton’s confused look, Virgil flushed and muttered something about dust not being good for sick people, before he too got to work cleaning up the dust and whatever else had accumulated in all the time Janus had been out of commission. 

It was silent between the three as they did their separate things, Virgil cleaning, Logan setting up for whatever he had in mind besides the IV, and Patton just keeping an eye on Janus. Until Virgil spoke up near Janus’ desk.

“What- what the hell?” Virgil said, sounded vaguely freaked out. “What- why are there bloody flower petals in the trash?”

Both Patton and Logan looked over, Logan actually walking over to investigate while Patton squeezed Janus’ boney, cold hand.

“Interesting…” Logan mumbled, plucking one out and examining it further, “Rose petals, red in color, with streaks of blood and… dried spit. Coughed up, perhaps? But how…” 

Virgil’s eyes went wide at that, giving Janus a scared, and oddly pity filled look. “But that’s… that’s not a real disease. It’s fictional.”

“What? What disease?” Patton asked, fear clawing at his throat. Almost on cue, Janus began to weakly cough, his head slumping forward as his frail body shook from the coughs. All three watched in silence until Janus fell still again. Patton carefully pushed him back onto the pillows. “What disease, Virgil?”

“Hanahaki.”

Logan frowned, sifting through Thomas’ memories. “I… have heard of that. The unrequited love sickness. Flowers growing in the lungs, eventually suffocating the host, unless the feelings are returned or the flowers surgically removed. But Virgil is right, that is a fictional disease.”

“We’re not exactly real human beings, Lo.” Patton whispered, rubbing his hand gently over Janus’ chest, hoping to soothe but also wondering if he could feel the flowers growing. “So… he loves someone, who doesn’t love him back?”

“Guess so.” Virgil shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “Or he at least _thinks_ whoever it is doesn’t love him back. The flowers don’t care if the feelings are really unrequited. Given his options, and what I’ve seen from him, I have a feeling his only option is surgery.”

“What do you mean?” Logan asked, curious, still fiddling with the petal despite where it came from. “You know who Janus is, uhm, “pining” after?”

Patton looked curious as well, and Virgil stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets. “Well, he isn’t very subtle, but uh… yeah. I have an idea. Which really makes recent events _way_ worse but uh-” Virgil coughed into his shoulder, before finally uttering, “I think he’s in love with Roman. The fact he has roses in his lungs really kinda confirms it. Red roses are all about true love and passion and whatever, and Roman is _literally_ Thomas’ Passion. So uh. Yeah. Plus all the flirting in the courtroom. Kinda obvious.”

Virgil fell silent as Logan gave him an impressed, raised eyebrow look for deducing that ( _Logan_ hadn’t noticed, but to be fair, it was an emotional thing, and Logan wasn’t great with those), and Patton tried not to burst into more tears while squeezing Janus’ hand tighter.

“Oh god… that’s… oh that’s _terrible_ ” Patton choked out, giving Janus’ unconscious face an incredibly sad look, “Oh this poor baby… I can’t imagine… he must be in so much pain, all the time… having to hear the one he loves talk like that-” Patton cut off, tears falling yet again. He wondered how many more tears he had left to cry. “After we get Janus better, I am giving Roman a _stern_ talking to about his behavior. Until then, he is _officially grounded._ ”

Virgil and Logan looked at each other as Patton summoned a sticky note and a sparkly blue pen, scribbling out a message before snapping it away. Without a word, the two got back to their work, Virgil ignoring the other bloody petals in the trash can as he emptied the bag and put a new one in, going back to dusting and vacuuming. Logan went back to fiddling with some papers and summoning various things to set up. Patton ignored them both, running his fingers through Janus’ damp curls. When did Janus’ hair get curly? He wore a hat all the time, maybe it wasn’t just for the aesthetic, maybe it was to hide the curls. Patton didn’t understand why Janus would hide his curls though, they were quite pretty, and suited the snake boi. 

Neither side in the room talked much until Logan was officially done with his tinkering and setting up. When the logical side was done, Janus’ room looked more like a lived in hospital room than an actual bedroom, but maybe that was a good thing.

“All that needs to be done is to hook him up to the monitors and the IV, and then we can rest a bit easier knowing that he is, indeed, still alive. I also made a portable x-ray machine, bending a few laws of physics and reality to do so, so we can also keep track of the flowers in his lungs.”

Patton and Virgil were silent, watching Logan place those weird circle sticky things to various parts of Janus’ chest, in awe. Virgil let out a low whistle and a mumbled, “damn”. Patton could only nod in agreement. Sometimes he forgot how… _cool_ Logan could be. Not everyday someone you know breaks the laws of reality so… casually.

Virgil and Patton kept back while Logan hooked Janus up to the monitors, pausing only for a second before getting back to his work. Neither questioned the pause, given that he didn’t freak out or anything, but Patton made a mental note to ask about it later. Soon a steady, if not weak, beeping noise filled the room as Janus’ heartbeat was monitored. But another machine was blinking and making noises Patton associated with emergency, which was quite frightening-

“Hey Lo, uh, what’s the angry machine for?” Virgil asked, eyeing it nervously. “What does it mean?”

“That machine is recording his breathing. Seeing as how Janus is currently hardly breathing, the machine is, how you said, “angry”. I have a feeling it’s from the flowers obstructing his windpipe, due to the coughing earlier, and therefore there isn’t much we can do about it. Not until we know if it’s safe to remove the sutures, that is. It is incredibly dangerous to try and do surgery on a throat, and seeing as how Thomas isn’t a trained medical professional, we would probably butcher it. So, I suppose we’ll just ignore that machine for now.” Logan spoke with a dull tone, but Patton could hear the barely suppressed emotions. Logan was upset, and angry, and a number of other things. “However, his heart is as steady as we could hope for in his condition, and when the IV is in, his condition should improve at least a little.”

Virgil chewed on his thumbnail, eyeing Janus worriedly. “I.. if you say so, teach…” 

Logan nodded once, sharply, and went over to the IV bag. Patton watched, fascinated, as Logan prepped Janus’ hand and slid the needle into a vein, taping it down and fiddling with the bag. Finally, he went over to the desk and grabbed his portable x-ray machine. “One x-ray of his chest region, and I’ll be done. Thank you for your patience. Patton, there’s no metal on or near his chest, yes?”

“There shouldn’t be. I just put a baggy t-shirt on him. No necklace or anything.” Patton frowned.

“Good.” Logan turned his gaze to his machine, holding it over Janus’ chest, before pressing some buttons. There was a sound, and then a soft whirring noise, and soon Logan was setting the machine down again and snapping a light-board into existence to hang the x-ray up.

When he did, all three conscious sides gasped.

It was amazing Janus was breathing even a little bit. His lungs were filled with roots, thorny stems, leaves, and big, beautiful rose blooms. 

Patton heard Logan mutter something. Virgil whispered a soft “fuck”. Patton just kept staring, taking note of all the blooms. 12. 6 in each lung. Was there symbolism to that? A 12 red rose bouquet was the peak of romantic gestures, right? Patton felt like the universe was laughing at Janus’ situation, and had the urge to ground the universe for being so cruel to his snake son. 

“You said throat surgery is dangerous, but what about lung surgery?” Patton heard himself speak, eyes glued to each petal of those damned flowers. He’d never have a rose again. “Think Thomas can take a crash course on lung surgery?”

“Patton-”

“Logan, he's _dying_ ” Patton snapped his gaze to the logical side. “He is just…. Just _wasting away_ and I can _not_ stand by and let it happen! I refuse to let him die! Not like this, not because he fell in love with someone who hates him. If there’s something I can do, I _will_ do it.”

Logan sighed, looking over at the pale, unconscious side. He seemed to steel himself, then turned back to Patton. He gave one sharp nod. “I’ll talk to Thomas. Should I tell him of Janus’ condition, or should I ask for knowledge’s sake?”

“I’d keep Thomas out of the loop for now. I… I don’t like hiding things from him, but… him knowing won’t help anything. And if Thomas knows, Roman will know, and I… I honestly don’t know how he’d react to this. I hope he’d feel bad, or guilty, or whatever, but… I dunno anymore.” Virgil shrugged, eyes guiltily on his shoes. 

Patton nodded, “Keep Thomas out of it for now. Once Janus is awake and better, he can decide who knows and who doesn’t. It’s bad enough us three know of his… all of this.”

Logan gave a nod of acknowledgement, gave one last, pained look at the x-ray, and sunk out.

Virgil let out a heavy breath, summoning a purple bean bag chair from his room and slumping into it. “Guess we’re here for a while… you think he’ll be okay, Pat? Part of the whole surgery option is you lose all positive feelings for the person. Maybe… maybe that’ll just add fuel to the already raging fire.”

Patton frowned, pulling Janus’ desk chair over to Janus’ bedside to hold his hand, but could still face Virgil. “I dunno… but we don't have another choice, do we? Roman isn’t going to suddenly burst in and confess his undying love for Janus. It’ll be like pulling teeth just to get him to apologize for making fun of Janus’ name after Janus is better again.” Patton sighed, sadly eyeing the snake boi. “I hate this. I hate that there’s sides to pick, that we’re fighting like this. I just… I just want everyone to be happy. Is that really so much to ask of us? Is it really this hard to be kind to each other?”

Virgil shrugged, looking over to Janus too. “If… if it helps, Pat, the second that idiot is awake I… I’m gonna apologize. For all the shit I’ve said, and done, and… and what I did to him. Before. When I left.”

Patton looked over to the anxious side, offering a small smile. “That’s really mature of you, kiddo. I’m proud of you.”

Virgil just nodded and fell silent, trying not to fidget too much. He knew that Roman would never in a million years come back here and confess his love for Janus, but… Virgil knew that nothing good (besides Janus being alive of course) would come from surgery. The only reason they weren’t totally and completely split and broken, was because Janus loved Roman. If they took that away, if they took away Janus’ empathy and care towards Roman… Thomas would have a full mental breakdown from the fights that would ensue. Janus held back a lot of stuff he could say that would cut right to the bone, because he knew everyone’s secrets. It was his job to know everything like that. Virgil knew from personal experience how vicious Janus could be when he pushed aside his empathy and affections… the anxious side shook his head. No, now wasn’t a good time to brood on the past. Virgil had to focus on the now, and the future, for once. Virgil had to somehow find a secret third option to this mess that would save Janus from a lifetime of pain, however short that lifetime ends up being, and would keep Thomas mentally stable. 

Patton settled his gaze back on Janus when it was clear Virgil wasn’t in the mood for idle chit chat. Something was on his mind, and Patton didn’t want to distract him. From his facial expressions, it was serious. Letting out a near silent sigh, Patton traced his gaze over the dips and curves of Janus’ face, eyeing the hollow cheeks and sunken eyes with worry. He was still mad at himself for not noticing that Janus was hurting sooner… what kind of father was he that he couldn’t tell when one of his kiddos was in pain? And unrequited love… Patton was Thomas’ Emotions. Just because he personally hadn’t been in love with anyone, he knew what Thomas felt while in love. It was… it was beautiful, and painful, and every break up tore Patton apart. He couldn’t imagine being in love with someone who didn’t love you back. Who didn’t even _like_ you. Because he couldn’t deny it, Roman _hated_ Janus. Everything he’s said or done recently is evidence enough. And that… that hurts, a lot. Patton knows he didn’t exactly help with Roman’s mindset, being Morality and spending a lot of Thomas’ life seeing everything as black and white, but… it’s no excuse, is it? Roman warmed up to Virgil, didn’t he?

_After you practically drowned Virgil in love and affection and he ducked out anyways._ A quiet little voice whispered in his mind. _You just recently accepted Janus, you have given him some love and affection in the face of Roman’s anger and hate, and now Janus is dying. Maybe this will be the kick Roman needs to accept Janus, just like it was with Virgil._

_God, I hope not._ Patton thought back, eyeing Janus sadly. Well, on one hand, having Roman not be so awful to Janus would be wonderful, but… nothing would make this situation worth it.

So, pushing away the little voice, Patton sat in quiet with Virgil, patiently waiting for Logan's return.

\-------------------

Janus felt… strange. A little itchy all over, and his hair felt weird, too. A little heavy, but softer. Damp? Had he sleep-walked into a shower or something? And he wasn’t wearing his normal clothes, but his lazy clothes. Even his bed felt different, and smelled different. And _what_ was that _awful_ noise? That… that _beeping_? He squeezed his eyes and tried to move his hands to his ears, not appreciating the tinny noise, but one hand wouldn’t move. Cracking open his human eye, Janus caught sight of something he wouldn’t have guessed in a million years.

Patton was in his desk chair at his bedside, slumped over the bed and his legs (that explains the weight), and holding his hand. He was asleep, gently snoring. Shuffling from the right had Janus snapping his head around, shocked eyes falling on _Virgil_ , curled up in a purple bean bag, also asleep. There was a vague sting in his right hand, and, bemused, Janus looked down to see a needle and tube sticking out of his skin. An IV. 

A quick glance around showed various machines set up, attached to him via those weird circle things, and one of those weird light board things with… with an x-ray of someone that had roses in their lungs. His lungs. Those were his lungs, and they were filled with flowers. That explained why he couldn’t quite breathe easily, he supposed.

Then he wondered why he wasn’t freaking out about all this. Patton and _Virgil_ were in his room! He was clean, his room was clean, one of them must have bathed him! They’ve seen his stitches! They know about the Hanahaki! But, he supposed he didn’t have the energy to freak out, because all Janus felt was a sense of apathy about it all. And a little… happiness, he supposed. Something warm, at least, that they were there. That they have clearly fallen asleep waiting for something. That Patton was holding his hand. 

They saw him at his worst and clearly worked to try and build him back up. It… it was nice. This… this sense of being cared for. Janus sniffled, tears in his eyes, and he gave Patton’s hand a little squeeze.

The reaction was immediate. Patton jerked and suddenly, he was sitting up and staring at Janus, his eyes wide. They stared at each other for a second, Janus hardly breathing, until a coughing fit broke the silence. Janus jerked forward, his hands coming to his throat and mouth as he coughed and hacked, a few drops of blood spilling past his sewn lips. More than petals was coming up this time, perhaps one of the flowers? God, he couldn’t _breathe_ \- but he’d choked to death before, and he didn’t die, so he was sure he’d be fine. Didn’t mean he wasn’t uncomfortable.

There were voices above him, and shuffling, and finally a loud curse of “Fuck it, I’m sick of waiting! He’s going to choke!”

In moments, a cool, pale hand was on his wrist, pulling his hand away from his mouth. Another muttered curse, perhaps at the blood, and then smooth, cold metal was against his skin.

Janus jerked back with a choked, muffled cry of fear, his wide eyes locking onto Virgil’s startled ones before he crumpled into more desperate coughs.

“Janus, what- you’ll choke to death! Let me cut the stitches!”

“Virge- no- wait, Janus, is it not safe to cut them?” Patton interjected.

Janus nodded frantically, shakily summoning his pad of paper and pencil while his body shook with coughs. He managed to scribble out a barely legible message before he couldn’t write anymore, his throat burning as blood flooded his mouth.

“Tried to cut them once, needle came back, held down, sewn again.” Virgil read out loud, sounding… sick. “What… the fuck? A needle just… appeared? And s… did that?”

Janus nodded again, desperately sucking air in through his nose. _God_ this hurt- he was getting dizzy from the lack of air.

“What do you mean ‘held down’ kiddo?” Patton asked, sounding mad, “Did someone hold you down?”

Janus shook his head, his vision blurry and spotty. Finally, with a body jerking cough, a full flower, stem and all, landed in his mouth. He heaved great breaths in through his nose, collapsing back against his pillows and carefully using his tongue to push the rose to a better place in his mouth. 

“Well… how did you get held down, then?”

Janus shrugged, looking over to Virgil, who was looking incredibly confused. 

“That doesn’t really matter right now, I guess. What matters is Janus is awake, and we can’t take the stitches out. Good thing we already set up the IV, huh?” Patton tried for a smile, but he still looked tired and upset. “Janus, dumb question, but… how are you feeling? Anything we can fix?”

Janus frowned as much as his stitches allowed, doing a mental catalogue. _Could_ they fix anything? After a few moments, Janus gestured for his pad and pencil again. When Virgil handed them over, he wrote one word. “Pain”.

Patton blinked, then looked guilty. “Oh goodness, of course! You must be in awful pain! Gosh, I’m so sorry- I-” He paused, frowning more. “I… can’t set up an IV. And I dunno if it’d be safe to, I don’t know what Logan put in the bag. Well heck. Looks like we’re still waiting on Lo to come back.”

Wait, Logan was here too? He set up all this? Janus looked shocked, blinking at Patton a couple times, before just deciding to move past it. Surely having Virgil in his room, worried over him, was more shocking.

Speaking of Virgil… the side was giving Janus looks. Guilty looks. Why? Janus gave Virgil his best questioning look despite his pain and exhaustion. The anxious side cleared his throat and looked over to Patton, his cheeks pink. Was he not wearing his makeup?

“Hey Pat, can you uh… give us a sec? Please?” Virge asked, his voice rough from suppressed emotions. Confused as all hell, Janus watched Patton give Virgil a proud smile, a pat on the shoulder for Janus, and then he sank out. Leaving Janus alone with Virgil for the first time in years. Virgil let out a breath, fiddling with his hoodie sleeves, and not making eye contact. He was nervous about something… 

“I uh… wanted to talk to you. Alone. Obviously.” Virgil scoffed at himself, shifting on his feet for a few seconds before giving up and sitting at the foot of the bed. He still wouldn’t look up. “Look, I know… I know we’ve had some really shitty times, and said some real shitty things, but… I… I’m not mad, anymore. I was, for a really long time, but… lately I’ve noticed that I haven’t been? I dunno when I stopped being mad at you, but it’s been a while. Even when you first showed up in a video, I wasn’t really that angry. It was just… instinct, I guess.” Virgil coughed awkwardly, glancing up at Janus’ face to catch his look of absolute shock. He offered a crooked grin at that. “Probably not what you were expecting, huh? Anyways, uhm… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the shitty things I did back then, I’m sorry for leaving the way I did, and I’m sorry for the shit I’ve told Thomas. I’m sorry for trying to make Thomas not trust you just because once upon a time we were stupid kids that didn’t know any better. I’m sorry, Janus.”

Janus could only sit there and blink, shocked beyond belief. Then the tears welled up and he was powerless to stop them. Virgil looked panicked at the tears, making an aborted gesture before giving up and scooting closer to lay a hand on Janus’ shoulder.

“Hey, please don’t cry- if I’m right about certain things, you’ve probably cried enough to last you ten lifetimes and then some-” 

Janus wiped at his eyes, sniffling, and shot Virgil a watery smile. If he couldn’t have Thomas’ affection, at least he had the one thing he had really never let himself hope for. He had Virgil’s forgiveness. With shaky hands, Janus wrote out “I forgive you, and I am so, _so_ sorry for everything I’ve done. There’s nothing I can do to make up for it.”

“Oh stop that” Virgil scoffed, taking Janus’ pencil away, “Nothing you can do, my ass. You want to make it up to me? Get fuckin healthy again and help me kick Roman’s ass later. Do that and I’ll consider you fully forgiven.”

Janus snorted, giving Virgil a grateful look. He got a small smile in return, and Janus figured he could die happy now. His friend was back, or coming back to him.

Then he accidentally poked a thorn with his tongue, and fresh blood welled in his mouth as he squeaked in pain, a hand going to his mouth. He whined at the feeling of the stitches, tempted to let Virgil cut them, but… he didn’t want to get re-stitched. It hurt, and it was terrifying, and he just… he couldn’t.

“What? What happened? You okay?” Virgil asked, worry filling his eyes as he visually examined the snake boi. “Janus?”

Janus snatched his pencil back and wrote “coughed up full flower. Stabbed tongue on thorn. Fine, just sick of stitches. Want to spit out petals finally.”

Virgil wrinkled his nose. “How long have… the stitches… been in.?”

Janus shrugged and wrote “time is an illusion, but a while. Roughly a month before I was summoned though”

Virgil’s eyes widened and he hopped up with a shout, “You’ve had your mouth sewn shut for **_TWO MONTHS!?_ **”

Patton chose that time to pop in with wide eyes, clearly having heard that last part. “Janus! What- how? Why?? Why didn’t you tell someone? Two months!? You’ve been suffering for _two fucking months and_ **_I didn’t notice!?_ **”

Janus looked startled at the sudden appearance of Patton, but the cursing really had his eyebrows raising. Patton was truly upset, then. He quickly started scribbling.

“Patton, please calm down. ~~I’m~~ ~~fine okay~~ alive, and didn’t want to bother anyone with my problems. Didn’t feel like I _could_ go to anyone about it, ~~which is fine~~ which sucks but what’s done is done. It isn’t your fault, Pat. It’s mine for not trusting that you’d care, when clearly you do.”

Patton sniffled, giving Janus the saddest look after reading the messy message, and without warning Janus was suddenly enveloped in warm arms. Patton’s face pressed against his hair, his breathy shaky from his repressed tears. The pressure, the warmth… it was too much.

Before Janus knew it, he was breaking down in Patton’s arms. Shaky, weak hands gripping Patton’s shirt with all he had in him, tears soaking into Patton’s clothes as his body shook and heaved with muffled sobs and cries. Letting out many years worth of being shoved aside, being isolated, being _hated_ … 

Janus felt another body awkwardly, hesitantly join the hug, and cried harder. One hand let go of Patton to latch onto Virgil’s hoodie, holding on as tight as he could. 

He was still crying, albeit calmer, when someone sunk into his room already talking. “Alright, it took longer than anticipated, but I- what’s going on?”

Janus raised his head to give Logan a tired, watery look. The logical side looked a little dishevelled, holding a strange white bundle in one arm and a briefcase in the other hand. Janus sniffled and slow blinked at him, like a cat, unable to verbally say anything before he buried his face back in Virgil’s chest.

“Oh, Logan! Come join the hug! Janus woke up… about half an hour ago. He and Virgil have reconciled and we learned Janus has been like this for two HECKIN months, and we all needed a hug. You look like you need one too.”

Logan simply blinked at Patton, before sighing. He set his items on the desk before walking over and crawling onto the bed with the others. Soon, he had situated himself half behind Janus, an arm around Janus’ back to grasp Patton, his other hand grasping the loose fabric of Virgil’s hoodie, and his chest and head pressed against Janus. Janus felt like the middle of a warm, comfy sandwich, and really couldn’t bring himself to hate it.

They stayed like that until Janus finally quieted down into just sniffles and started to pull away. His cheeks were hot with embarrassment despite how totally _exhausted_ he was. The IV was helping, he could tell, but he hadn’t properly taken care of himself for two months. A few hours with an IV of some kind wasn’t going to fix him immediately. 

Slowly, Logan peeled away first, going over to his bundle and starting to fiddle with it. Virgil went next, not saying a word about the wet spots on his hoodie, and shuffled over to Logan to start a mumbled conversation that Janus was too tired to try and hear. Patton stayed put, his face tucked in Janus’ neck, still gripping just as tight as before.

Janus just sighed and wriggled until he was in a comfortable position and let Patton cling to him. He was warm, and comforting, and Janus was tired… with a small sigh, he slipped back into unconsciousness.

\-------------

Patton hummed softly, cuddling Janus even as he felt the other side go limp with sleep. He had a feeling that Janus hadn’t had many, if any, cuddles in his life, and Patton was determined to right that wrong. He could hear Virgil and Logan muttering together, but he didn’t join in. They could discuss without him for now, one of them would call him over if he was needed, surely. 

Virgil shuffled on his feet, letting out a soft sigh. “Look, I don’t know _how_ it works, I just know that Jay is terrified of us cutting the stitches right now and he _says_ that when he tried it, some freaky floating needle and thread appeared, something held him down, and sewed him back up. I’m not even sure _he_ knows how or why that happened.”

Logan huffed out an irritated sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Fine, that isn’t important right now anyways. Thomas consented to watching youtube videos with me from real doctors on the basics of lung surgery, and I feel confident enough to perform a “floectomy”, for lack of a better word.”

  
“A what now-”

“It is a word I made up, seeing as how there is no medical term for the surgical removal of flowers from a person’s lungs. Therefore, using the latin word for flower and the greek word ectomy, you have floectomy.”

“You are… _such_ a nerd. Don’t change. Anyways, do you think you could… hold off? For a bit? I don’t… I don’t want to resort to the surgery unless we really have no other option.” Virgil quietly admitted, looking nervous.

“Care to explain your worries? Perhaps I can soothe them, like usual.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, but decided to speak up anyways. “If Janus gets the flowers surgically removed, he’ll lose all positive feelings towards Roman. This is an _incredibly_ bad thing because one of the things holding him back from really tearing into Roman, or anyone really, is his empathy and care for others. If he loses that for Roman, it’ll be World War Three, but in Thomas’ mind, which will give him a full mental breakdown and maybe hospitalize him if things get _really_ bad. Janus knows all our secrets, Logan, and if you take away his empathy he turns into a really… really nasty person. Vicious, ruthless, whatever. We take away the flowers, we ruin Thomas’ life.”

Logan frowned, obviously pondering this new information. After a solid minute, Logan nodded, putting his materials away. “You make an excellent point, Virgil. It would be illogical to rush into such a serious, permanent solution without exhausting any other options we may have.” Logan paused, turning to look at Virgil, “Have you thought of any other options?”

Virgil paused, eyes dropping to his shoes. He shuffled a bit. “Uhm… not… not yet… not unless Roman secretly loves Janus and was just putting up a front this whole time…”

“Highly unlikely, but not impossible.” Logan mused, fiddling with his glasses as he thought. “I suppose that _is_ our next course of action… seeing how Roman feels about all this.”

“Wh- no! Lo, we can’t just run around telling everyone! At least let Janus approve, okay?” Virgil huffed, crossing his arms in irritation. “Geez, we didn’t tell Thomas for a reason…”

Logan sighed and settled into the empty desk chair. “I suppose you’re right about that, too. I still… I wish to do _something_.”

“Join the club” Virgil sighed and flopped into his beanbag chair. “I hate feeling useless, but we have to move at Janus’ pace. And right now, it looks like he’s asleep again. Maybe, when Patton finally moves, you can x-ray him again and see how his lungs are. Earlier he coughed up a full flower, which isn’t good in terms of progression of the disease.”

Logan nodded, making a mental note to do that later. For now… he settled in and waited. 

\-------------

It was several hours before Janus stirred again, his jaw stretching to yawn until the stitches pulled, and he snapped his jaw shut. _Ow._ Letting out a muffled grumble, Janus shifted a bit under the warm weight on him, blinking blearily at the ceiling. Why was he warm? It was always cold back here… 

With a glance down to his chest, Janus spotted the top of Patton’s head, and memories rushed back in. Patton… Virgil… Logan… apologies… hugs… and so many tears… Janus’ breath hitched as shaky hands slowly lifted to brush against Patton’s hair. Yep, it was real. Oh, god.

Patton stirred at the touch, slowly blinking up at Janus, before a slow smile spread across his freckly face. “Hey sleepyhead, you feeling better? You look better, for sure.”

Janus blinked a few times, shrugging a shoulder. He didn’t feel worse, that was for sure, but did he feel better? Hard to tell. Plus, he couldn’t articulate any of it, so a shrug was all Patton was getting until he released Janus’ arms from the hug.

“Well, at least you aren’t worse!” Patton smiles brighter, slowly sitting up and releasing Janus. “So… do you wanna… well, not talk, but write about what happened? Any of it?”

Janus frowned as much as he could, looking down to his lap. Where did he even start? The betrayal from Thomas, the isolation from the other sides, Roman? All the topics hurt to think about, but… maybe… maybe he should tell Patton. Wasn’t that what therapists always said? Telling someone about your problems always helped, right? So, slowly, Janus shrugged and nodded. Couldn’t hurt, right?

Patton looked pleased, if a little sad, and handed Janus his pencil and notepad. “Take all the time you need kiddo, okay? No rush, and don’t worry about not wanting to tell me certain things. You just write what you want to, okay?”

Janus nodded again, and set to writing. 

“I don’t blame you for anything, first of all. I don’t blame anyone, really, because I know how I can be. I’m closed off and aloof and snappy when I get frustrated, and people react negatively to those traits. However, I still… it still hurt, all those years, having to watch you and the others be happy from the shadows. Having to walk past the locked rooms I had to keep Virgil and Remus and… the other, in and hear them shout abuse at me. They hated me, Patton, for good reason. I kept them hidden from Thomas, locked away, because Thomas wasn’t ready to accept them. He wasn’t ready to know about them. Eventually Remus seemed to forgive me, or maybe he just got tired of shouting at me, and just chattered his ideas at me when I was near. Eventually I started… responding. Offering my own suggestions to build upon his. I wouldn’t call it a friendship, but it wasn’t pure malice. When Virgil heard me actually talking to Remus, he started talking too. He let me explain why I locked them up while I remained free. I had to patrol, keep an ear and eye out for Thomas. I was hiding so much back then… not just the little things, like his opinion on a friend’s clothing choices, but things like him being gay. It was painful to hide it, but he wasn’t in a place where it was safe to truly accept that part of himself. Anyways. I suppose I sort of had them when we were younger, though the last one didn’t talk at all. Virgil became a kind of… friend. Eventually I started letting him roam with me, with promises that he wouldn’t run off or hurt Thomas. We… were friends, I guess. Then he met you guys for the first time, and it all went downhill from there. He didn’t really meet you at first, just watched and listened from the shadows. I think you three were discussing me, because he was never as happy around me after that day. It just grew worse the more time passed, he kept leaving for longer and longer. He showed himself to Thomas without me knowing! I finally confronted him about it, and we had a fight. A huge, nasty fight, where we both said things we shouldn’t have. And he left, never to be seen until I took your place in a video. I do apologize for locking you in your room for that video, and for impersonating you, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just… wanted to be listened to, and Thomas listens to you a lot. When I impersonated Logan and created the courtroom disaster, I knew I was going to be found out. I just… I just wanted Thomas to admit that he wanted to go to the callback, really. Maybe then you’d let him go. But Roman made his choice, and… and we stuck with it, for better or for worse. If I don’t manage to, please apologize to Logan for me about the last video. I do hope I didn’t hurt him when I pulled him away from the video and took his place. Gosh I am good at getting off topic, huh? I wasn’t mad after that first video, when Thomas sent me away after deciding that he didn’t want to lie after all. Sure, I pulled out the usual dramatics, but I knew telling the truth wasn’t going to send Joan away for good. I just… saw an opportunity to reveal myself, and took it, and had some fun. It was… really nice to sit there in your face, watching Roman perform, watching Thomas tell the truth and then panic through really, truly, AWFUL lies. It was… amusing. And fun. One of my best days, really. You weren’t even mad when you showed up, were you? Just a little sassy. It felt so normal. But… but the courtroom disaster happened… and… and I knew things were spiralling. I didn’t let Remus out intentionally. He got too powerful from Thomas’ spiralling depression and mental state, and broke out. By the time I found him, the damage was done, and I couldn’t lock him away again. I didn’t confront him, though. I still haven’t. When Thomas summoned me, was the first time seeing Remus in… a while. I’m too scared of what he might do now that he’s free. Would he lock me up, like I did him? Force Thomas to forget me? Just beat me into a puddle of blood and pain with his morning star? I just don’t know, and that terrifies me. Seeing him standing so calm and relaxed by Roman, while Roman holds a sword to me, like I’m a genuine threat… that hurt so, so bad Patton. I know Remus isn’t evil, I know he isn’t really a bad guy, just impulsive, but… but it hurts to know Roman hates me more than his twin. His twin, who he supported being locked away, because Remus was all the “bad” parts of Creativity, and Roman was “good”. I know that I’m “Deceit” and “a liar” but… I don’t know what I did to make Roman hate me so much. I love him. God, Patton, I love him so much, and it hurts. It hurts to see him smiling and happy one second, and then he sees me. And he stiffens up, and adjusts his stance to the defensive, and has a hand over his sword, and he looks so… so cold, and angry. What did I do, Patton? Was it the courtroom? Did I flirt too much? I was on his side! I was trying to push Thomas to admit what his true hopes and dreams were, to admit that Roman was in the right, that the callback was what Thomas truly wanted! And… and I didn’t think we parted on bad terms, but… but I hear that stupid song you three sang about the whole mess, and I show up, and…”

Janus finally stopped writing, tears dripping down his cheeks. Patton was squeezing his knee, looking concerned, but he stayed true. He didn’t move to stop Janus, or ask what was wrong. He was patient. Janus wasn’t sure he could continue, and simply handed the pad over before he could cry on it. 

Janus didn’t watch as Patton read his pages of writing, not wanting to see the pity that would probably be there. He didn’t want pity. He wanted… he wanted love. And affection. And smiles, comfort, jokes, happiness. Anything but isolation and hatred. 

It was quiet as Patton read, slowly flipping the pages. Janus glanced around and spotted Virgil’s bean bag, empty. Logan wasn’t around either. He wondered where they’d run off to, then just shook his head. They didn’t need to be at his side every second of every day, it was enough that they were here at all, let alone all they’d done for him…

It was still shocking to think about. Before he’d passed out from lack of oxygen, he was ruined. Janus was genuinely prepared to die, because his last thing had been taken from him. His job could be performed by the others, and Thomas didn’t need him.

Now… now, Patton was stifling tears as he read Janus’ lengthy rant, Logan had set up medical machines and an IV to help him recover, Virgil had… Virgil had apologized, and forgiven him in turn, and they’d all willingly hugged him… 

Now Janus felt something in his chest besides pain. He felt something warm, and soft, and it was just so… _nice_. 

Patton sniffled as he finally pushed the pad of paper away, wiping at his eyes under his glasses. “I… Oh, kiddo, I’m so sorry. I think Roman’s behavior is mostly my fault. I’m Thomas’ moral compass, and… and for the longest time, I looked at you and what you represented and labelled you as bad. Lying was bad. And… and Roman doesn’t really have his own morals, not like me. He isn’t meant to. If I don’t explicitly say what’s right and wrong he… he won’t know. He does things like a video game. Doing things for the rewards, for the achievements, not because he morally thinks it’s the right thing to do. And that, that’s okay! Because once I tell him the morals, he gets it, but… but I spent his whole life saying you, and Virgil, and Remus were bad. And in the span of half an hour I switched. My view on the world blurred, shades of grey instead of black and white. And. And it was a lot. Heck, I turned into a giant frog thing and hurt Thomas.” Patton chuckled quietly, despite how not funny the topic was. “Having everything he’s been told turn out to be a lie, is… it’s a lot. It doesn’t excuse the fact that he laughed so openly at your name, or any of the jabs he’s shot at you. You don’t deserve that. I really, really hope I can talk to him, and get him to come around some. I… I hate all this infighting we’ve had.”

Janus frowned, finding an empty page and scribbling away. “Patton you don’t need to talk to Roman for me. I can handle his anger and hate, I handled Virgil’s, didn’t I? Heck, I’m not sure even Logan liked me that much. I’ll be fine. Don’t cause a rift between you and Roman for my sake.”

“That isn’t what I meant, Janus, and you know it. It isn’t just for you, though your treatment is worth being mad about. I just… I just want _everyone_ to be happy, and loved, and accepted. To have their voice heard. Is that really so much to ask?”

Janus sighed through his nose, giving Patton a helpless shrug. To be honest, it shouldn’t be too much to ask for all the sides to just… be nice to each other. Be polite, civil. But… Janus knew, for a fact, that it wasn’t going to happen. Not with him around, at least. Not unless he did something major to make it up to Roman and the others and show he meant no harm… but what could he possibly do? Maybe he should ask Roman, would that work? Would Roman even give him an answer that was doable? No, he would, because no matter what Roman told him to do to earn his forgiveness, Janus would do it. Even if Roman told him to jump into the unconsciousness.

“Janus? Hey, come back to me, kiddo.” Patton sounded worried, nervously moving so he was in Janus’ eyeline, looking relieved when Janus locked eyes with him. “There you are. You kinda spaced out a bit, worried me a little. You okay?”

Slowly, Janus nodded, looking down to his lap. Patton didn’t need to know about those thoughts. He’d probably be upset, and Janus was done with upsetting others. He waited a few more moments, steeling himself, before writing, “When do you or Logan think I’ll be back to semi-normal? Able to move on my own and whatnot?”

Patton frowned, a hint of worry in his eyes, but didn’t mention it. Just answered with a shrug and a “I’m not sure, kiddo. I can ask Lo when he and Virge get back. Thomas needed them for something.”

“Not you?” Janus wrote, looking surprised and a bit offended.

“No, he called me, I just… didn’t go. Someone needed to stay, right?” Patton smiled softly, “couldn’t have you be left alone, or anything.”

Janus pushed down more tears, staring down at his pad of paper. Patton had put him above their host. That… god, that was everything, wasn't it? A small, shaky smile spread across his face, his heart warm.

Well, at least until there was frantic knocking at his door.

Janus locked eyes with Patton, seeing his own confusion and fear reflected there. Logan or Virgil wouldn't knock. The only comfort Janus had was that Roman or Remus wouldn't knock, either. But Thomas would.

"Oh for the love of- just open it!" came Roman's voice, and Janus' blood turned to ice. He couldn't illusion himself, he was still so weak, and even if he could the machines and x-ray were dead giveaways.

He was screwed.

Patton shot to his feet and ran for the door, reaching it as Roman finally kicked it open, and…

Slammed the door shut on Roman's face before he could get a good look.

"Sorry kiddo but I can't let you in right now!" Patton called, pressing his weight against the wood. 

"Patton! Let us in!" Thomas called out, sounding worried. "We just want to talk, promise!"

Patton looked to Janus, seeing him look vaguely surprised now. He cocked an eyebrow in silent question, and got a nod in response. Truth.

"One moment, please." Patton called, hurrying back to Janus, "Who is and isn't allowed in?"

Janus slowly blinked, thinking for a moment, before looking resigned and shrugging. He summoned his paper and pencil and wrote "whatever, might as well get it all over with. Let them in."

Patton frowned, but nodded. "Alright. I'll be right by your side, okay? If they get mean, they're gone."

Janus sent Patton a grateful look before turning his eyes to his blankets, fiddling with the edges.

Patton sighed, hoping for the best while he walked back to the door and opened the door a crack. Roman, Remus, and Thomas were crowded by the door, and Patton could see Virgil and Logan behind them, looking guilty. The gang's all here… 

"Come in, but… be quiet? And… and gentle? Please?” Patton whispered, his big blue eyes tired and sad. "You may need something to puke into, by the way. Me and Virge both puked."

Thomas looked pale, but Roman just rolled his eyes. Sighing, Patton opened the door fully and made his way back to Janus. He didn't speak or look around, just crawled into bed with the weak Side and wrapped his too thin frame into his arms, protective. He looked at nothing but Janus' nervous face, not even at the soft gasps and little exclamations. Not even when he heard Virgil come join them on the bed, or when he heard Logan walk over to Janus' IV and fiddle with it.

"Virgil told me you were in pain earlier, so I added some pain reliever to your fluids. Has the pain gone down?" Logan asked, idly looking over to Janus, acting like nothing was different.

Janus looked over at Logan and frowned. Well, that explained a lot. He nodded and gave the logical side a soft smile in thanks. Logan nodded back and moved towards the desk where his x-ray was. "Patton, Virgil, I realize you two just settled, but I would like to get another x-ray."

"Sure, Lo." Patton sighed, sliding off the bed and standing back for the logical side to work.

Virgil let out a tired hiss and squeezed Janus tighter, but after a stern look from Logan, he let out a growl and let go of Janus' torso. He didn't leave though, instead scooching back a bit and hugging Janus' arm. Clearly he'd been away from the sick Side too long, and was feeling clingy.

None of the four Sides by the bed even glanced at the other three, Logan just grabbing his machine and walking over. Soon he was walking away again towards the light board, pulling out a fresh x-ray and hanging it up. Patton and Virgil returned to their previous positions, alternating between giving Janus concerned glances and looking to Logan for an update.

"The roses haven't gotten worse, thankfully. But they still aren’t good, of course.”

“At least there’s that.” Virgil huffed, giving the damn stitches a dirty look. "Wish we could cut these."

Janus just shook his head rapidly and gave Virgil a scared look.

"I know, I know, but your mouth is full of blood and flower petals. And now a whole rose. That isn't good."

Janus still shook his head, going so far as to pull his hands free and press them over his mouth.

"Janus, even if the needle comes back, I assure you that between _all_ of us, we can stop it." Logan sighed, giving Janus a sad look (for him, at least), "You've had petals in your mouth for two months, you need them out. Please?"

Janus let out a broken whine and turned to Patton with pleading eyes. Patton frowned and carded fingers through Janus' curls, giving him an apologetic look.

"They're right, kiddo. I promise we'll keep the needle away, okay?"

Janus blinked back tears and finally turned to his last hope. He laid eyes on Thomas and the twins, trying not to shake too bad.

Thomas looked pale and sick, his eyes as wide as Janus'. Remus looked vaguely uncomfortable, but mostly interested, and Roman…

Roman looked conflicted.

None of them spoke up, though, so Janus finally admitted defeat and dropped his hands. He summoned his paper and pencil and wrote a quick, "Be careful please, and get me something to spit into, and maybe some water to swish my mouth?"

"Of course, kiddo!" Patton exclaimed, easily summoning the trash can and holding it out for Janus. Logan took care of the glass of water, while Virgil summoned a pair of scissors.

"I'll be careful." Virgil promised, leaning forward and slowly sliding a blade between Janus' lips, under the first stitch. Janus flinched slightly at the cool metal, but otherwise held still. "Alright… here goes nothing."

For the next few moments all that could be heard was the sound of slow, careful _snips_ and Janus' shaky breaths. Finally, _finally_ , the last stitch was cut. Virgil pulled away and eyed Janus warily, worried.

Janus didn't look at anyone before he leaned forward, snatching the trash can, and spat a mouthful of blood and half rotted petals into the can. He gagged and used his hand to pull out a bloody rose, examining it for a second before dropping it into the trash. Without a word he held a hand out to Logan, his body trembling as he got used to breathing through his mouth again. Logan, too, was silent as he handed the glass over, watching as Janus took a careful sip, swished, and spit. He did this about five times before he finally was spitting clear water. He had about half the glass left, and took a few careful sips before handing it back.

"Thank you," Janus croaked, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Not talking for two months really fucked him over. "So far so good."

Virgil nodded and looked around the room, keeping a sharp eye out for anything silver. Patton was just quietly crying and trying his best to smother Janus in cuddles.

Logan sighed and set the glass down on the nightstand, sitting at the edge of the bed. "Now that you are verbal once more, I'd like a detailed report on your condition, please?"

Janus huffed and fiddled with his fingers. He didn't acknowledge the thread still in his lips. "I… am dizzy, lightheaded. Tired. Weak… I feel clammy, and slightly nauseous-" Janus paused to cough a few times, his throat aching, before he continued in a slightly quieter voice, "Head is pounding, lungs and throat ache, and sting. Mouth throbs. Just… tired."

Logan nodded and summoned his own notebook, taking notes. "And the flowers? Any updates on those? Have they been worse or better?"

"Worse. Never coughed up a full flower before." Janus quietly cleared his throat, his vision swimming, "I… tired…"

"Of course. You may sleep if you need to, and we are, of course, willing to get you anything you need."

Janus nodded again, his eyes drooping a bit. "Just… don't let it sew me up again… please…"

"Of course not! No sewing needle is going anywhere near you ever again!" Patton huffed, cuddling closer to the weak side. "You sleep, we'll watch you."

Janus hummed, and soon he was limp and breathing deeper, one hand clutching Virgil's shirt and his head on Patton's chest.

Virgil looked up to catch Thomas' eyes, his expression guarded and defensive. "He's a deep sleeper, but keep your voice down anyways. No shit talking, either."

"I… what… how long?" Thomas finally spoke up, his voice shaky.

"Two months at least." Patton replied, his voice like steel. "At least, that's how long he's had his mouth sewn shut. No idea how long he's had the flowers."

"What even _are_ those?" Thomas asked, eyeing the x-rays. "How is that possible?"

"We are figments of your imagination, Thomas. Anything is possible. And it is a disease known as Hanahaki, or the unrequited love disease. Flowers grow in the inflicted person's lungs until their love confesses their own romantic feelings, or the flowers are surgically removed."

"Removing the flowers surgically will also get rid of any positive feelings towards… the person. So that isn't a great option." Virgil piped up, giving Janus a pity filled look. 

Remus hummed and went to the X-rays, looking intrigued. "Who's the lucky bastard, then? One of you?"

Patton, Logan, and Virgil looked at each other. Slowly, Patton spoke up, "It isn't our place to tell, Remus."

"Well if we don't know who, then how can we stop the flowers?" Thomas asked, looking worried, "I don't want him d-dying because of something as helpless as love…"

"Thomas, please just drop it. Let Janus be the one to share, okay?" Virgil snapped, bristling at all the questions. "He's been through enough, he doesn't need a bunch of prying questions while he rests."

"Okay, okay. Sorry." Thomas frowned, looking over Janus. "He looked normal when I summoned him… will he be okay?"

"Depends." Logan tapped at his own arm, trying not to fidget, "assuming we can die, the flowers will slowly asphyxiate him. Assuming we can't, he will still asphyxiate, but won't die from it, which is arguably worse. But for the rest of his poor condition, we are working on re-hydrating him. Now that the stitches are gone and the needle hasn't returned, we can slowly work towards getting some food in him. Probably focusing on high calorie foods to help him gain weight."

"What needle?" Roman finally spoke up, his voice quiet. 

"Janus said that when he cut the stitches the first time, a needle showed up and stitched him back up while something, or someone, held him down. So far, nothing's shown up, bu-"

Virgil was cut off by a jerk and a scream.

Everyone's head snapped to Janus, who was squirming and thrashing against invisible bonds, screaming as tears ran down his face. A shiny needle shoved it's way through his mangled lips, fresh blood pouring out.

"No!" Patton screeched, hand flying to grab the needle, trying to keep it away from Janus' poor, mangled mouth, "Leave him alone!"

" _Holy shit he wasn't lying"_ Virgil looked frozen with shock, watching Patton struggle to hold the needle away from Janus. "Oh my _god_ what- how- _what the_ **_fuck_ **"

"Why is a stupid needle so strong!?" Patton yelled, his grip slipping, "Someone do something! Please!"

"Thomas, it is _y_ _our_ mind, whatever you say, goes. Maybe you can stop this?" Logan looked pleadingly at his host, ignoring Roman's pale face and Remus' intrigued one. "Please."

"I-I-" Thomas stuttered, wide, scared eyes locked on Janus' thrashing, terrified form. Something hard entered his eyes, and he shouted "Stop! Leave Janus alone!"

Instantly the needle and thread was gone, and whatever was holding Janus down disappeared. Janus threw himself into Virgil as the closest person, doing his best to bury himself in the anxious side's chest as terrified sobs wracked his thin body. Virgil's hands flew up, one on his back to hold him close, the other delved into his slightly sweaty curls.

"Shh, shh it's okay. You're safe. You're safe now." Virgil soothed, rubbing circles into Janus' trembling back. "That fuckin thing won't hurt you again, I promise."

Janus simply let out a broken whimper and squished his face deeper into Virgil's hoodie.

"That… that was scary." Patton breathed, face pale, "I… wow. How did that even… what?"

"My hypothesis is that some part of Thomas' mind decided that silencing Janus was the best way to deal with him." Logan murmured, not looking towards Thomas. "However, since Thomas has overrode whatever it was, I think that Janus is safe from gaining more sutures."

Thomas looked heartbroken at this statement. "I… I did this?"

"Not consciously, clearly, but yes." Logan sighed, fiddling with his tie. 

The room was quiet, with the exception of Janus' shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself down, and Virgil's low murmurs.

Then, “I’m so… _so_ sorry, Janus. I don’t think words can describe how… how awful I feel about all this. If there is anything, anything at all, I can do to even _begin_ to make it up to you, I’ll do it.” Thomas spoke up, his voice strong but so, so sad. 

Janus was silent except for a few sniffles, but eventually he pulled away from Virgil and wiped his tears and the fresh blood from his face. He sent their Host a sad smile, and croaked out, “Maybe try and think away the Hanahaki? Before it chokes me again?”

“Again!?” Patton and Virgil yelled, their eyes wide, but Thomas held a hand up.

“Logan, what do you think? Can I do that?”

“Probably, since, like I said earlier, it is _your_ mind. Anything you say, goes. I’m fairly certain we could cease to exist as you know us if you so chose-”

“Whoa, okay, did NOT need to hear that one,” Virgil muttered, face a bit paler than normal. A good reason to stay on Thomas’ good side, he supposed.

“Oh gosh, no, that- wow, no, that sounds like an awful thing? I will do my best to not ever do that. Anyways. Uhm… oh heck, the needle was easy, I just… yelled at it to stop. How do I stop flowers? Just… _will_ them away? Think really hard at them? Yell at Janus’ lungs?” Thomas panicked a bit, starting to shift on his feet, clearly nervous about fucking this up.

“I guess just think really hard about Hanahaki… _not_ affecting us?” Patton suggested, conjuring a baby wipe and starting to clean up the blood and snot on Janus’ face, like the dad he is.

“Okay, uhm… I’ll try that.” Thomas nodded, still obviously unsure about the whole thing, but eventually he just focused in on Janus’ torso and… scrunched his face up a bit. There were several tense seconds, before Janus jerked and threw himself forward, body jerking with huge coughs and hacks, petals and roses falling to the floor with wet _plops_. After eleven roses and many more petals besides fell to the floor, the snake-like side flopped sideways and just breathed, his eyes wide and chest heaving.

“Eww,” Patton wrinkled his nose, conjuring a fresh baby wipe and getting to work cleaning Janus’ face again. “Guess that means it worked? Yep, some of those roses have roots and stuff.”

“It’d be safe to do one last x-ray, just to make sure.” Logan piped up, already moving towards his machine. He walked over, only having to shoo Patton away from hovering, and took one last x-ray (hopefully). 

Janus was crowded with Virgil and Patton again when Logan moved away to take out the x-ray and hang it up, stretching himself to see over their protective smothering heads. 

Everyone let out a breath in relief (even Remus!) when the x-ray was hung up to show two perfectly normal lungs. Not even any scars, at least not physical.

“Well, that is the ideal outcome to that problem.” Logan nodded to himself, snapping away the board, x-rays, and his machine. “Now, I don’t think it’d be safe for Thomas to just will Janus into being totally healthy again, so I’m afraid we will have to bring Janus up to 100% health the ‘normal’ way.”

Janus simply groaned at this and let his head flop back into his pillows, allowing Patton to snuggle into his side. Virgil rolled his eyes at the dramatics, but he was already mumbling little things he could conjure or make to make it a bit more bearable.

“Well, with two mother hens watching Janus, there is no need for us to be here as well,” Logan said, looking over to Thomas, Roman, and Remus. “Other than regular check ups on the IV, of course.”

“Oh, uh, right-” Thomas started.

“Wait!” Patton called, sitting straight up and jostling Janus and Virgil, who both hissed at him. He ignored his dark strange sons. “We can do a movie night or something! As, like, a celebration now that Janus can talk and doesn’t have those awful flowers anymore!”

“Patton, this bed is a twin. Us three barely fit on it, and we’re all basically on top of each other.” Virgil pointed out, but, surprisingly, it was Roman who spoke up next.

“It’s easy enough to make a bed larger, I do it to mine all the… time…” The prince trailed off when four pairs of shocked eyes landed on him, starting to fidget where he stood. Feeling a little prickly and defensive, he snapped, “What? I’m not allowed to speak?”

“No one said that, Ro-” Patton started, looking an odd mix of nervous and upset.

“Do you mind?” Janus spoke up, shocking everyone but himself, “I don’t trust anyone else to try.”

Roman blinked rather spastically for a few seconds, before silently raising a hand and snapping. In seconds not only was the bed three times as wide, but the room stretched to accommodate the larger piece of furniture. 

Janus offered a tight smile and a nod, and got Virgil and Patton to help him shift in bed until he was properly sitting up against a mountain of pillows, his normal pile having tripled as well. Soon, Logan was pulled in by Patton, and Virgil was patting the space by him in an open invitation. Thomas easily went over, kicking his shoes off and crawling in next to his anxious Side, leaning over to give Janus a warm smile that was still sad at the edges. All that was left was Roman and Remus.

Remus eyed the bed and veritable cuddle pile with an unnamed expression in his eyes. Roman just looked painfully awkward and out-of-place. 

“You don’t have to join, you know. I won’t be offended if either of you leave.” Janus spoke up, after giving the twins time to decide. “However, I also won’t be mad if you stayed. Just please pick one, you’re both blocking the tv.”

Roman jerked a bit and moved out of the way, but Remus just stared Janus down. He looked… almost calculating. It was an odd look on the Duke.

“Who was it?” He asked, blunt.

“None of your business.” Janus replied, just as blunt. “Now, are you going to get in this oversized bed or are you going to leave?”

“Do I have to wear pjs?”

“Yes.”

“What are we watching?”

“Not sure yet, but no horror movies.”

“Do I have to cuddle?”

“Nope.”

Remus tapped his chin, pondering, before shrugging and snapping himself into a Minecraft Creeper onesie, crawling into bed and laying across as many laps as he could manage. No one complained.

“Roman?” Janus flicked his eyes over to the fidgeting prince. “Are you getting in, or leaving?”

“I…”

Janus frowned, watching the way Roman fidgeted. Picking at his nails, shifting on his feet, not making eye contact. He looked incredibly too nervous for the question. 

“Roman, I’m not mad at you. In fact, at least for tonight, I’d like to pretend everything from the courtroom disaster onwards just… didn’t happen. One night of just… coexisting, and we can deal with what needs to be dealt with in the morning. Is that acceptable to you?”

Roman blinked at Janus, his eyes going a bit blurry as he thought. Eventually, he focused back in and nodded with a slightly strained smile. “Yeah, that’s… acceptable, or whatever. Nerd.”

Janus offered a slightly sarcastic smirk, “How do you think I pull off Logan so well?”

“Is that a roundabout way of calling me a nerd?” Logan asked no one in particular, a light frown on his face.

“Enough chatting, pick a movie already.” Virgil grumbled, torn between snuggling against his Host (who he NEVER gets to cuddle, which is a damn crime, because Thomas is the BEST cuddler), and wrapping himself around Janus like a protective squid (which is more Remus’ thing, but whatever-) and so he ends up with one of Janus’ arms trapped against his chest, while his other hand is gripping Thomas’ shirt tightly, keeping him close. Janus and Thomas totally don’t share an exasperated look when Virgil isn’t looking.

“I think it’s a pretty obvious thing, BUT! I think Janus should at LEAST pick the first movie to watch,” Patton grinned, giving everyone bright puppy eyes. Seeing as how no one was going to dispute that, they were unnecessary.

Janus hummed and conjured a remote, pondering his choices before pressing a few buttons on the remote. He waved the remote away when a movie started playing. Sinking back against his pillows and accepting his fate when it came to Patton and Virgil using him as a pillow. He’d lost track of Roman, but wasn’t surprised to hear him off to his right, behind Logan.

“Wait, isn’t this The Decoy Bride-”

“Yes? And?? My room, my choice.” Janus sniffed, refusing to feel any kind of embarrassment about his choice. “The whole premise is lying to people, of _course_ I chose this movie-”

“It’s also an adorable love story!” Patton squealed, wriggling happily, accidentally kicking Logan. “Oops, sorry Lo-”  
  
“It’s fine, Patton.” Logan sighed, his arms loosely crossed over his stomach. “How… eh, emotional, is this movie?”

“It’s a romcom, pocket calculator, what do you think?” Roman huffed, not quite touching the nerdy Side, but not at the edge of the bed either.

“Are there butts in this one?” Remus asked.

“No, now shut up, closed captions can only do so much.” Janus griped, already mildly irritated that those dang machines Logan has him hooked to are still quietly beeping, monitoring his breathing and heartbeat. Plus the itchy, annoying IV. 

Thankfully, though, everyone fell silent. Even Roman and Logan, who were known for singing and pointing out inconsistencies, respectfully. Thomas didn’t even ask how the heck Janus got a movie playing by just pressing a few buttons on a remote, probably leaving it for another day. If you thought too hard about it, it probably wouldn’t work, after all. 

It was… nice. And warm. And so comfortable. 

Janus didn’t manage to stay awake through the whole movie, but after Virgil reassured everyone else that Janus was an incredibly deep sleeper, the others decided to stay and just turn the volume down a little and stay quiet. Everyone was asleep by the end of movie three, Roman and Virgil (surprisingly) having voted for Tangled for the second movie, and Patton having let Thomas choose the third movie (After the Office was vetoed by Logan as “not a movie, Thomas-”, Thomas chose The Bee Movie out of spite. Remus was the only one happy with this decision.) 

But when Janus woke in the middle of the night to the cuddle pile, Roman and Logan having eventually moved closer to the huddle to share body heat, the snake-like Side couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay again. Maybe even good. 

Janus went back to sleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
